on blogging and the weekend.

At dinner Friday night Jeremy and I were talking about blogs and the pros/cons and such. I was pushing him to start a blog again (not just a Tumblr), and how much I missed his writing about his life, even if he thought the posts were boring. I guess that's the thing about everyday peoples blogs, they may not have show-stopping exciting posts, but neither do 99% of all people that have blogs.

However- I LOVE reading my friends blogs. I enjoy hearing about their lives, what they're crafting, what's baking, and the movies they see. I find them exciting because I relate, and most times I walk away with great ideas and happy to be in the know about their lives.

Anyhow- I'm going to start doing a weekend wrap-up post every week, not because I have anything overly exciting to share, but because it's important to me to have a log about my life. I realized over the weekend that there are huge gaps in my life that just run together. Like from 2001-2003- yeah- no clue. I know that I was in school, working, and drinking lots of PBR, but that's about it. It'd be really awesome and old school of me to write into a real journal, but that's not going to happen. So... here we go! Whee!

Weekend, January 8 to 10

Friday- After work Jeremy and I drove up the road a bit to pick up his VW after a teeny little telephone pole accident that happened a couple of weeks ago. Looks amazing, like better than it ever did thanks to the new trunk and paint job, so we celebrated with whiskey! Headed over to this new pub in the neighborhood which serves lots of Colorado local food and alcohol and is built into the Stranahan's Distillery (i recommend!) The food was amazing, and the jukebox was unbelievable, but so was the dude that wouldn't go away while i was trying to select my songs. He bugged me so much I actually allowed him to use my final few credits which was the wrong move as he played a mix of cliche hair band music. The worst.

Saturday- Cleaned and headed out to find the right filing cabinet so I can start to complete the office redo that Carolyn planned for me. (I got it!) Found a gaggle of other items that I couldn't say no to, so $78 and a globe later...

Ran a few more errands (that may or may not include swinging by a taco stand) and headed home. Had a neighbor pop in and give us some slices of fresh bread from the Farmers Market down the road. Get this: white chocolate lime mint bread. I know- sounds bad. NO! SO GOOD! So good I hopped down there after getting cash to scoop up a couple of loaves. Awesome for my diet. The farmers market was adorable and it just further enforced my desire to have chickens by seeing they do a backyard chicken keeping class. now, i just need a backyard. and some chickens.

Saturday night JC and I met some friends for downtown for dinner and a movie. Unfortunately, we saw Daybreakers.

Afterwards the group headed up to the Peaks Lounge on the top floor of the Hyatt downtown. I'm not really into hotel bars, but the view over denver was remarkable and the drinks looked pretty, but I'm a granny so I had a decaf coffee. Took the light rail home afterwards.

Sunday- Woke up and double checked that TiVo was recording my very favorite TV program then walked to the store for fresh cream and nutmeg. Made JC french toast with the farmers market crack bread and it turned out really lovely. Jeremy pointed out that I'm a freak about meat and eggs being cooked well, and how sometimes it's a little over the top how much I dissect my food to make sure it's done. True and noted.

That afternoon headed out to Sports Authority and then Colorado Ski and Golf in search of the perfect ski pant. And by perfect I mean they zip and I can breathe in them. After almost having a crying fit in the sports authority that even the largest pants felt tight, Jeremy took me away from there and to the other shop. I guess me exclaiming loudly in the middle of the store 'I MEAN, SERIOUSLY! AM I THE BIGGEST GIRL ON THE SLOPES?! REALLY? CAUSE WHERE DO THOSE GIRLS SHOP?! I NEED TO GO THERE." might have signaled I needed to leave. Finally found some awesome pants and almost died at how much they were, but they fit, and sometimes that's all you need to drop the dough.

Ended the weekend with a slice of Famous Pizza and revisiting some LOST episodes in preparation for the last season. Asleep on the couch by 9:00.

2009

2009. from April P. on Vimeo.

2009, so much better than 2008 for me. Friends, family, travel, holidays, kittens!, and lots of love. thanks for being a part of it.



starring... mom, dad, amy, sloan, angy, john, kate, ross, hayden, rebecca, john, ashlie, mattie, caleb, jessica, tyler, jeremy c., colin, sheena, dan, alison, jeff, tim, heidi, sue, nick, marie, matt, tim, jeremy b., lisa, misty, josh, melissa, kyle, tucker, bobby, ramsay, kelly, scott, penny, preacher, sadie, ryleigh, sarah, jonathan, kurt vonnegut, neil young, levon helm, john prine, devotchka, jose cuervo, city park squirell, burt, ernie, salmonella and the two i'v.'s that helped me achieve normal skin tone.

Dear you,

Hi kid. You don’t know me yet, but I made a significant decision for us today, one I’ve been toiling about for a couple of weeks. I decided not to pursue a significant career opportunity.

Some of our friends and family won’t understand why I’m bypassing such a fantastic opportunity, but I don’t really care about out that. This is about us. It’s about knowing that when you decide to make an appearance in my life, I can’t imagine a more significant role for myself than being the best mother I can be to you. For me, that doesn’t include dropping you off at 7 am, and picking you up at 5. It doesn’t involve worrying about making it to your preschool program because I’ll be in Boston presenting at a conference. It doesn’t mean stressing out your dad with the uneven care you’ll receive while I travel 2 months out of the year. It means being committed to giving you the best I can. And not taking this job allows me to offer that to you.

I’ll admit there were a few perks that are painful to walk away from. Topping that list- this job would’ve left us with a considerable amount more dough. I hope you really love Kraft mac and cheese, cause baby boo, we can’t afford the fancy Velveeta shit. But hell… what would we do with that dough?! (god all the things we could do with that dough) But no no- really it’s not about that. And I’ll keep telling myself that.

Quite the opposite. It’s about time together and endless amounts of stress free love. It means I won’t be feeding you while blackberrying, and you won’t have a work distracted mom sporadically reading to you in between answering emails. I’m not going to be perfect. Nor do I expect to be a stay-at-home mom. I love you and all, but yeah- no deal. Not only I am just not one of those amazing women or men that can handle stay at home parenting, but I can't leave the fulfillment I receive through my job. What example would I be if I gave up something I love so much?

And the most important (and fun!) part of me choosing to stay with my Foundation- I have a boss and team of wonderful women that are going to welcome you into my life with love and joy and fun gifts too! They’re going to give me helpful advice when you have a low fever for days, and will pick up the phone and listen to me cry when I’m exhausted. They’ll be the ones to tell me to only work what I can, and to be a mom before an employee. They’ll reinforce that work/life balance is more that a catchy corporate phrase. That it’s about preparing you for the wild world before you, and they’ll help me give you the development skills and love that you’ll need to face it.

And that’s why I’m walking away from that job. It might sound nuts, since you’re nowhere to be seen yet, and I don’t even know when or where you’re coming from (Guatemala?), but to me, it makes all the sense in the world.

My lesson here to you is that sometimes there are things more important than money or advancement. Each human’s vision of their future and life goals are different, and that’s what makes the world so colorful. We have to remember that there are different paths for everyone, and how wonderful that is. For me, it’s about experiencing life at the fullest, eating, drinking, loving, praying,(this sounds like a book! oh wait…), traveling, caring for one another and collecting stories of good times. My vision clearly includes you. And it’s the experience that I’m choosing today.

And when you pester me about wanting the new version of a Nintendo DS, I’ll remind you that “money doesn’t grow on trees” and to suck it up. One day you’ll appreciate the mom vs. money trade-off, and you know… I will too.

Love,
momma

i cannot express the amount of joy this brings me:

I love Paula Deen, but come on now... getting hit in the face with a ham? simply amazing. It's like Christmas came a month early:

roberto's peach salsa

I've always had a love/hate relationship with Salsa. As soon as I start getting into the idea of salsa, a overly spicy/vegetabley jar ruins it all and the walls come crumbing down.

Until I met Roberto... oh Roberto. How you called to me from Isle 5! I fought it, but as I read your description, admired your packaging, then your price sealed the deal. I gave it a shot for love.

And love it was. This is my favorite salsa ever. I love that it's got some spice to it, but not too much that you can't eat it without a glass of water in reach. It's got a peachy taste, but not too peachy. If you didn't know it was called a "peach salsa" you probably wouldn't taste it.















I couldn't find much information online about it, but here is their site. I found it at one of the three zillion Whole Foods stores in Denver. I've looked for it at Safeway and Albertsons with no avail. However, this is one of the few staple items that I put on my list to pick up at Whole Foods, and happy to grab it up for less than $4 a jar. YUM!

an april fool.

I've always disliked April Fool's Day. It's a combination of anticipation of my birthday (tomorrow, whee) but probably more because of an April Fools joke gone terribly ary on April 1st, 1986.

I took gymnastics at this family owned studio in my hometown called "Gym for Him". I only wish the clever name meant a gym for men. But darlin', in middle Tennessee, the "Gym for Him" meant a gym for the glory of Jesus. Because all that balance beam time was really just a testament to our Savior.

Ok, back to the story. So my sister, Amy, our neighbor, Sarah and I all took gymnastics at the same time at the Gym for Him. Sarah and Amy were four years older than me (they were 10 and I was 6) and in kid years, that was a significant difference. Man- i really wanted Amy and Sarah to think I was cool, even possibly funny. April Fools day 1986 coincided with our gymnastics class day. YES. My big chance.

My mom drove us to the Gym for Him and picked up Sarah on the way. Since I was only 6, I'm fairly sure I didn't really get April Fools day. But dammit, I was gonna give it my best. After my class was over, I patiently awaited Amy and Sarah to come out of theirs, all the while trying to construct the funniest, most grand April Fool's joke a tot could muster up. Ahhh ha! I got it!

Finally, Amy and Sarah come into the lobby. Amy asks if mom is here to pick us up yet. Instead of answering her, I run up to Sarah and say:

"Sarah, your mom is dead. She died in a car wreck just now."

I start laughing, but Sarah immediately starts screaming and crying and a brigade of gymnastics instructors rush over. Chaos ensued. The instructors trying to calm her down and running into the front office to see if there REALLY had been an accident. Sometime between Sarah's first shriek and them taking her to the office, I realized that my joke was a total failure, so then I started crying. The following half hour is a little fuzzy. The next thing I remember is having to apologize to Sarah on the drive home, and knowing that I was in a good deal (a great deal) of trouble.

So... not the best April Fools joke, but a solid try.
Nonetheless, I have not attempted another April Fools joke since then.

Sarah West, if you're out there, I'm really sorry about all that.

it's not in the woods and shit.

I have to repost something I just read on dooce.com. Because if any of you have an extended southern family anything like mine, you can imagine overhearing this conversation at pretty much any holiday gathering. she just happened to overhear it on a flight. here goes:


First guy: "Dude, you got Internet where you live?"

Second guy: "Um... what?"

First guy: "The INTERNET! You know, Google and stuff."

Second guy: "Dude, it's 2009. The Internet is everywhere. Of course I have it where I live."

First guy: "It's not everywhere, man. It's not in the woods and shit. They don't run those wires out into the middle of nowhere."

Second guy: "Okay, maybe not in the woods, but most people have access to the Internet."

First guy: "Or out in the ocean. I bet you can't get the Internet on a boat."

Second guy: "Well, see, they make these things where you can access the Internet wirelessly."

First guy: "Wire-what?"

Second guy: "Wirelessly. It works kind of like a cell phone. Do you know what a USB port is?"

First guy: "Dude, whatever. That's all future shit. Sounds like you're speaking Italian."

from avenues to apartments

I am an absolute cliché right now. I'm at the laundry mat, drinking a Slurpee and eating some terribly unhealthy chips that I just got from the 7-11 across the street. If that doesn't scream cliché-loser, I don't know what does. A year ago, I'm not sure if I could have imagined my life changing this drastically.

A year ago...
In the mornings, I use to walk into my luscious yard and cut fresh flowers from the front garden. Now, I am happy as hell just to have some extra cash to buy a bundle of tulips from the grocery. And you know what? Those tulips are magnificent.

I no longer have the conveniences of a washer/dryer, a modern kitchen or even a parking spot. I now have a laundry room down the street. Guess what? It causes me to get out in the neighborhood and chat with folks I would've never otherwise met. My kitchen? It's adequate. You know what? I can still cook just fine. And the parking spot? I am now the champion of parallel parking. Don't challenge me. You'll lose, sucker.

My weekends aren't spent running around, buying groceries, taking care of the pets, buying shit I thought I needed to maintain a house, taking care a yard that was ridiculously large and generally feeling like I don't have the time to fit in the things I needed to manage and take care, just so I could "live". Nope. Things are much simpler now.

My day to day life has changed in a big way. And let be clear- life isn't worse for me, just different. It's taken me 6 months to make that distinction between "worse" and "different", but man- it's a significant change in thinking.



Last week some intuitive feelings of something that was going on through my separation that were finally confirmed. Hearing that confirmation made me sick, then- rejoiceful. It's a bad feeling to have an instinct so strong, just to be told that you were crazy. Aren't instincts and intuition something else? From now on, I'm going to give those gut reactions a solid consideration.

I mention this development because it brought back such a strong memory to my mind- the day I knew that I needed to leave. I laid on my couch in my beautiful living room with our sparkling refinished floors in our adorable 1920's craftsman bungalow- and sobbed for hours. Snotty, ugly, sobbing while repeating to myself the same thing: I want out. I don't care about the stuff, I just want out.

There have certainly been days in the last year that I couldn't believe I gave up the things that mattered so much to me for so long. I have whined about leaving him the house, the pets, the beautiful chandelier (no one liked but me)... even the freaking waffle maker. I have felt like a loser- asking myself- How can I start again from here- my only belongings that fit in a 10x10 storage space?

What I know now: it all just doesn't really matter. None of it. Especially when your intuition is telling you so strongly that for some (or many) reasons, it's just not right.

One day, I'll have the "stuff" again. A home I own, pets, furniture I love, so on. I'll do it all over again. In many ways I already have started. It might not resemble what a home use to mean to me, in fact, it's close to the opposite.

Right now, I'll be thankful to be living the life that I deserve. A life that resembles more of what I dreamed about as a little girl- lots of laughs, good food, pretty flowers, a lumberjack husband and duck children (maybe not ALL of the life I wanted). I'm so thankful to be at the point that I know all of that will come again, and I'm willing to be a little patient for it.

For now, I'm just stoked to have 15 clean panties coming out of my 1.75 dryer.

the incredible disappearing woman.

Sometime around 2007 I got into cycling for about 5 whole minutes. During that phase, J gave me a couple of Lance Armstrong's books, which I was surprised to discover, I actually enjoyed.

Reading the chapter about his marriage collapsing, I remember feeling so sad for his wife, even though he spoke fondly about her. She had been all over the world for him, away from her career and family, at the same time through two agonizing rounds of Invitro so that they could have a family. Then divorcing with three very young children to a man who obviously loved the ladies... lady rock stars and celebrities at that, not librarian type ladies.

Sometime last year I came across Kristin Armstrongs article (below), and I was so pleased that I did. I was happy to hear her perspective on the situation, and above that, so glad to walk away with so much perspective for myself. That's why I wanted to share it. I think the article offers a lot for women, single, in a relationship or married. Please don't get me wrong- I am a fan of marriage, in fact, I hope to do it someday. But damn, it sure is hard as hell, and before you realize it- you can sure lose yourself in the partnership.

Circumstances in life often take us places that we never intended to go. We visit some places of beauty and others that you never care to see again. I never imagined that "divorce" would be part of my life history or my family’s legacy. I never really got it, but now, when people say that divorce can be as painful than death, I understand why.

Kristin Armstrong on Marriage

Happy New Years!

Nothing says welcome to 2009 like a little food poisoning.

mee mee mee mee, mee mee mee mee

the only thing better than one beaker? six beakers.

I don't know why I blah blah blah'd on and on about new years when I could have just posted this.



thanks for this, jeremy.

new year(esoultion)

Whenever my sisters or I see a picture of ourselves that we don't like in the presence of our father, he always reminds us "Well- I guess you never know how you look until you get your picture took". Basically saying- "Sorry, fatty, the truth hurts."

And boy oh boy, does it. I just saw a handful of pictures of myself from the past week and yikes. I am seriously horrified. I'm not going to be one of those girls that whines and says "I'm so fat!" because I'm not fat and no one wants to hear that shit anyway.

I will say- I have seriously let myself go. I've looked for various excuses over the past few years. Some of those contradictory excuses include:

"I'm happy!"
"I'm sad!"
"I'm stressed."
"I'm too busy."
"I don't have time to work out." (plenty of time for cheese dip though)
"I think I have a irregular heartbeat. So how would I know if I'm having a heart-attack?"
"I'm boycotting exercise to piss off my health obsessed in-laws"

Ok. That last one was actually a relevant excuse, but still. You get the picture. I can honestly say that I am ashamed of myself, because right now, and even for the past year- I have NO excuses. I am happier than I've been in years, and even though I have a significantly smaller amount of income, I can absolutely afford some gym, yoga and hula. Hell- I even live in the 5th healthiest state in the entire country now, so I can't say "no one will go with me!" And the worst part- I lost this weight before- in 2006 I got down to 134 pounds (from 150) by spinning 3 times a week.

That's why I wanted to publicly declare that enough is enough. I want to make 2009 my best year ever. In a few months I'll turn 29 years old. How amazing would it feel to turn 30 at my goal weight of 135, toned, stress reduced- generally feeling strong and for the first time in a long time, be able to look at myself- full length- in the mirror without wondering "how in the hell did i let this happen?" I think about my weight at least once (more like three times) everyday. What a waste of time in which I could doing something I love.

So- if there is anyone out there that wants to offer a tip, a health magazine suggestion, a low fat reciepe, a favorite workout, a secret move to get rid of these weird flappy arm things, or even better yet- who wants to tackle 2009 with me and Oprah- hit me up. Let's do this.


And then maybe I could do this---

home for the holidays.

Ahhhhh it's nice to be back at mom and dads.

I mean- come on... just check this out:

With all sincerity, no one quite knows how to make a historic lil cottage feel so cozy like the great Jackie Powell. Thanks for going through the trouble every year, mom. We all really enjoy it more than you know.

Of course, Carolyn makes scarfs for her cat... so... step it up, Jackie.

observations, continued.

1) Did you know that snot can actually freeze in your nostrils? It can! Then, when you walk inside, the ice inside your nose it melts back to snot. It's painful and awkward- but facinating all at the same time.

2) It feels a hell of a lot more christmasy with 6 inches of snow on the ground. All the traditional Christmas songs seem to make sense now.

3) On the occasion I can look a bit ethnic. Check it out--- asian? Good thing I'm not asian. Nashville would run me out.

I come back to Nashville on Friday for the holidays, and as excited as I am to see my friends and family, I do feel like I booked the trip for entirely too long. Orginally, I didn't expect to feel this way. I thought I'd be dying to get home after two months of being away from everyone. But now, I actually feel like I'm leaving my home. Which I think is a damn good way to be feeling about Denver. Making a new start. A new home. On my terms. It feels good.

See you soon.

April

living by leviticus.

I'm normally not that into these sorts of silly things. J took me to funnyordie.com many times to watch videos and I would sigh, roll my eyes and walk out of the room.

BUT! In this new phase I'm easing up, or at least trying to. I've been feeling a bit older than I am. Not like 50. More like 37. And I'm looking about 34 as indicated by the lady at the Gallatin, TN crafts fair who said that a round or two of Botox between my eyes wouldn't hurt. Apparently I'm a "squinter". Who knew.

Years ago I read a Letter to the Editor from the Memphis paper in response to a cruel letter that someone wrote condemning Christian homosexuals. The title of the response letter was called "Living by Leviticus", and I'm pretty certain that I still have it tucked away. The gist of the letter- the book of Leviticus is all over the place. From foods to fabrics to childbirth. The mention of homosexuality is just a mention in between a whole lot of crazy. So- if you're going to pick or choose what to live by in the bible, how about just picking Jesus Sermon on the Mount- a simple verse that basically covers it all...

Matthew 7:12 - In everything, do unto others as you would have them do to you; for this is the law and the prophets.

Now, doesn't that just make more sense?

"Prop 8 - The Musical" starring Jack Black, John C. Reilly, and many more... from Jack Black