Why it was easy to say 'I do'

Writing our own vows was immensely important to us. We decided fairly early on that we'd exchange the traditional vows and add our own as well. When the time came (and i mean at the very minute before our ceremony) we knew that we didn't want to say them during the civil portion because they were so special and we didn't want to feel rushed. So after we were technically married, we went to another location in City Hall and exchanged vows. I'm SO GLAD we did this. We had our moment together alone and could laugh and cry it out without other people watching. It was extremely intimate and the most special moment of the day.

Because I'm feeling ridiculously lovey right now, and because I haven't spent near enough time on this blog sharing what an amazing human being my new husband is, I wanted to share his wedding vows. Here tis:

"The first time I met you was at the airport in Nashville with you in your signature dress and boots.

Our first date was in New Orleans laughing over a dune buggy parade and a dinner in the French Quarter.

The first time I felt love for you was behind a small cabin in Estes Park by the river, bundled in blankets, and talking about what we wanted in life.

Each of these early events kindled a love and respect for you that grew into the unconditional love that I have for you today.

Now that you are sharing a life with me in Colorado, there are so many things about you that I love and cannot live without: your singing and dancing, the way you talk with your hands, your huge curly hair in the morning, your green eyes, your beautiful neckline, your 100 different types of laughter, your compassion towards animals, your love of music, your passion for floral design and your tireless ability to always help someone, whether they are a friend in need, a family member who needs to lean on you, or even a stranger who is less fortunate in their life.

I know you are the best partner for me in life because you are always pushing me to have better relationships with my family and friends because I need those relationships for my own happiness. You want me to find my proper lot in life. It doesn't matter to you what I do in life just as long as it brings me happiness.

Not only are you the best partner for me but, one day, I know you will be the best mother to our children. You will be playful and patient with them and will teach them all of the things we care about in life. By you being such a great mother I will succeed in being a great father.

I often imagine a future with you filled with someplace to truly call home, a beautiful child or two, a farm dog, some chickens in a coop, a bed and breakfast that we run better than anyone else can, a few goats and an alpaca named Tom Brokaw.

Here are my promises to you:

I promise to always encourage you in any endeavor you take. I'm by your side for the risk and the reward.

I promise to always be completely honest with you, no matter how hard that truth may be to tell.

I promise to always be on the same team as you. On this day you are my priority in life above all else.

I promise to always give you the respect and trust you deserve. You are my equal and I will treat you that way.

I promise to always try to keep a smile on your face. Laughter and joy are so important to us. I want it to continue on into the years of our life together.

May our love be modern enough to survive the times and old fashioned enough to last forever.

And may God bless us all of our days."

(Me losing my shit into my bouquet after Jeremy finished his vows to me. )

Cheese alert: I have no idea how I deserve this person in my life, but here he is here, day after day, and I am grateful.

basically snow white.

Thought I'd give my bitch ass neighbors* one more reason to hate me and I started feeding the squirrel family that lives outside our condo. Whenever we have apples or vegetables that are a little too ripe, I cut them up, toss them over the fence and BAM! Hours of entertainment for the kitties.






I normally can't see the squirells feasting from our bedroom window, but this morning this little guy hopped on down and gave me a little show. He ate his entire apple with a smile... I'd like to think it's his way of saying thank you.






I can't wait to move out to the foothills where the wildlife is bigger than a shoebox.

*seriously, i've found denver folks to be beyond nice, especially in our diverse neighborhood, but our immediate neighbors = awful!

cat people.

I'm trying to get into Christmas... we still need a tree, and Denver needs snow (not ONE this year!), and maybe some present wrapping. Is everyone else feeling it this year?

Do I need more cats? Or more cat ornaments? I'm kidding. Although I did buy two of these for our cats for Christmas.

a new week.

I think I'm done complaining for awhile. I did some therapeutic baking and reality tv watching over the weekend and I'm feeling much better now. thanks for listening.

Just a few other quick unrelated thoughts:

1) How awkward is too awkward for jokey Christmas cards? I think Jeremy and I might have crossed the line this year.

2) Didn't Thanksgiving break feel like FOREVER?

3) This week will be the week I watch Star Wars for the first time. Jeremy says I can just skip over all the newer ones, but aren't they important?

4) My friend Dan (who hosted us on Thanksgiving) made a big cloth napkin turkey as the centerpiece. Isn't that awesome? He's not even gay!

5) Today Cori and I have a photo session for our new flower venture. Stay tuned for big fun news about what it is!

6) Denver hasn't had one snow yet this year. There was a dusting on the ground this morning, but that's it! I'm ready for some sledding!!!

7) Anyone else grandma enough to watch 60 Minutes? If not- this segment about the new Spiderman Broadway play almost made me go book some tickets to New York last night. Although, looks like opening night wasn't so hot.

on a lighter note...

ups and downs

ups!

i've now officially lived in denver for two years. not sure where the time went yet also very aware of where the time went. does that make sense? it feels like the time has passed so quickly, yet this has been a busy transitional two years- a mid-country move, a move-in, a move-out, a move in together, new friendships, some travels, a new marriage, good times like these. So yes, busy, but good which i guess is why it feels like yesterday.

also a huge up, a month ago today i married jeremy. last night i was pretty down so he ran all of our errands and even picked up a goat cheese and basil pizza (despite the fact he doesn't eat dairy, and misses pizza so much). Also- surprised me with a US Weekly so I could read all about Kate and William cause good god I love a royal wedding! so, jeremy, thank you for saying "i do".

downs!

Pretty much just one down, but it's a big one. my dad is back in the hospital. I haven't been reporting on him lately because he's been doing so great. He's lost tons of weight just due to his diet change and in return he's been feeling great and his blood count has been at a healthy level. But two weeks ago he started crashing and being grumpy as hell. We all picked up on something not being right, but he's a pretty stubborn old dad and doesn't like to show that he's weak or not feeling great. My mom finally forced him to go to the doctor yesterday. Within an hour they admitted him to the Cardiac floor. I don't know all the details yet, but I know that he is very sick and at this point, his heart is now very weak in addition to his kidneys.

I just don't know how to feel about all of this. I'm sad. I'm guilty. I'm pissed. I'm lonely. I'm selfish.

I think when dad started feeling better, I was able to push the reality of his condition out of my mind. In a selfish way, I was happy to be able to focus on me- our vacations, our wedding, our home. Now, all I can do is think about how Jeremy and I are going to make it to all the holidays in TN this year, cause it might be the last. It's all overwhelming. I don't want to have to prepare myself to lose a parent at age 30. It's not fair.

Yesterday my mom told me that the doctor said that his disease didn't have much to do with his diet or lifestyle for the past 50 years. I was irate. Yes- maybe he didn't contract the disease b/c he's overweight and terribly unhealthy, but I damn well know that had he been a healthier man, fighting this would've been easier and it would've prolonged his life at least by some amount. I also know that kidney disease sure isn't made better by consuming sweet tea and cokes non-stop for FIFTY YEARS. Dad knew this. That damn doctor knew this. He just didn't want to make dad feel bad.

I don't know why it all made me so angry. Maybe I just need something to be mad at, and yesterday, that was dad. Mad that he didn't love us more to exercise, stop with the fried foods, take a vitamin, get off the couch, drink some water. I feel guilty for saying all these things. I'm aware that this isn't rational- I know it's not about loving us- he loves the hell out of all of us. But I hurt because I want him here with us so badly for as long as possible. And I'm hurt because it isn't going to happen. And I'm hurt that his choices have contributed to my pain, to our pain, to his pain.

I sound like a bitch. But man... this shit is complex and hard to explain.

Maybe I just need to be mad at Captain D's.

Yesss-- that's it.

So let me revise this blog:

ups!

(same as above)

downs!

DAMN YOU CAPTAIN D'S with your delicious battered and fried fish and hushpuppies that my sweet father loves so much! Grrrrrrr!

the puuurrrfect way to end a week.

the hipster in me screams

Are these really the candidates for Favorite Male Artist in the Peoples Choice Awards?

Is this why i feel disconnected to America?

I'm a snob.

boom!

I love that Jeremy photobombs.

The chick taking the photo was sooooo not into Jeremy jumping into this photo OR the fake moustaches we drew on ourselves.

Jonathan and Brett being silly

In this photo: Jonathan and Brett

Added 2 hours ago

shameful.

So Jeremy tells me that Con Air was apparently a huge movie when it came out in theaters. Yeah... I don't remember it. It could be that I blocked it out considering the SHAMEFUL SOUTHERN ACCENT that comes out of Nick Cage's mouth for two painful hours.

I don't know if it's because I'm from Tennessee and I take my accent very seriously, or if it was just irritating that they didn't cast a southern actor for the role... but damn, it really bothered me!

I tried to find the opening scene where you can really hear the absurdity that is his fake accent, but all I could really find worth sharing was this scene... this one was worth staying up past 10:30 for:

the internet is funny.

So yeah... the internet. how weird is it?!

so on friday when our little video was posted on design*sponge, i was fairly freaked out. it wasn't so much about a lot of people seeing it, but the fear of strangers saying mean things about us.

ridiculous, right? or not really? i mean, who wants people they don't know talking shit about them? no one! but at the same time, i'm not so sure why i assumed there would be haters. after all, it wasn't a video of us tazering epileptic kittens. it was a video of love! the happiest day ever!

maybe my fear was just a natural feeling of protection. i hold my relationship with Jeremy so dear, that sometimes I feel too protective over it. regardless, all of a sudden we were out there in the weird internet world, in our most personal and venerable moment for the world to view and comment on. and get this- the internet stranger world was NICE! Really super nice!

"To April & Jeremy: Thank you for sharing this with everyone, and thanks to D*S for bringing it to me. As a woman who has had her fill of big fancy weddings, I know that I want something smaller and more intimate. My friends disagree that anything that involves City Hall could be beautiful or romantic. Thank you for restoring my faith that every person knows what is right for themselves, and that City Hall can be beautiful when the two people involved really want to get married."

(that comment was the one that made it all worth it, by the way)

And then something I didn't expect happened... people started sharing it on their blogs... and then I REALLY freaked out. I mean I had some control knowing that design*sponge would not publish mean comments, but ohhhh shit- now the internet had free reign! so there i was on friday night, outside of a soup and salad restaurant in the suburbs of Denver, having trouble breathing and asking Jeremy why the hell we agreed to post it. Thankfully, sweet Jeremy just took me into the restaurant and calmed me down with a build your own sundae station. Yesssss.

But you know what? Not one of those 160 other blogs that shared it had one negative thing to say. Not one! Perhaps I need to give the internet more credit.


And then there's this: Kazakhstan! Which is my favorite part of it all.

money.

I just wasn't raised to be money-minded. Love the parents, but man saving and managing money just wasn't on the top of their priority list. It probably didn't help that they were trying to raise 5 girls on middle-class income in a fairly pricey community. So you know, no fault to them, but I guess I'm just trying to say that I didn't know how to handle a checkbook till like... now. And I sure as hell didn't know what "good credit" meant until I had bad credit.

I've definitely learned my hard lessons with money and so has Jeremy. My credit is still recovering and thankfully Jeremy has a damn near perfect score. But still, here we are in our early 30's and still feeling mildly out of control when it comes to our finances. Things are always paid. And I'm not addicted to designer handbags. But we really need to learn some hard rules about paying off debt and saving money.

So we're caving in. To the obnoxious entity that is Dave Ramsey. That's right, 14 weeks to financial peace, baby! One of our couple friends have been on his program for a little over 9 months, and to date they have paid off over $10,000 on just a $50K combined income. Yes- I don't know how it's possible either (especially in Denver), besides they live within their means and they don't stray from their budget.

I'll have to report back after tonights first class, but I'm really trying to stay positive that the class will be fun and really make a difference. Thankfully, my best Denver pal will be with us to keep us laughing.

my darling geek husband

... is co-writing a new website for the TV Series "The Walking Dead".

http://walkingdeadtheatre.com/

Jeremy's post are by the name "Carl".

we said vows.

we said vows. from Jeremy on Vimeo.

We were married at the historic San Francisco City Hall on Monday morning. It was the easiest and yet most romantic day ever.

Eloping gets a bad rap, but for us, we wouldn't change a thing.

Thanks to our friend, Britt Simmons, for being an awesome witness and even more awesome videographer. (http://www.brittsimmons.com)

busy.

i'm thinking way too much right now about all of these things.

looking forward to a time where all of this crosses my mind as just good memories.

home sweet rental.

I miss owning a home. Well, I guess it's not so much the ownership as the making a house my own. I loved my house in Nashville. It had it's 1920's issues, but I loved it.

A big yard, a kitchen that was small but remodeled in a way I could easily bake in, a front porch for sunday paper reading.







Renting blows. I can't do anything significant without asking our landlord and there is a constant sense of "this isn't permanent".

To be fair, renting has served it's purpose since moving to Denver. I wasn't in a place to commit or sink money into something on my own. But now that life is moving along, I have house fever again. I want to make my own home. I want to do it with Jeremy. And this is where I become obsessed and impatient.

Thought I'd do a little search in my dream Colorado mountain town of Evergreen, and this popped up.





(built-in china cabinet, wha wha whaaaat?)




WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF?

An affordable Mid-Century home in the WOODS where I can have my goats and chickens? Seriously?

With a google street view like this ?


View Larger Map







o.k. moving on.

missing a chromosome.

am i the only girl in the world that doesn't enjoy wedding dress shopping?

1. why are they all strapless?

2. why do they all take 3 months to get in?

3. why don't more bridal shops serve alcohol?

4. is it really all that inappropriate to wear a green or blue dress?

the dress is the last item stressing me out. after this, no more whining! promise!

rant.

Wedding blogs are pissing me off.

I understand the whole "DIY" concept to save money and make things personal. I love saving money! And making things personal!

But all this DIY CRAZE is killing me and the more they try to top each other, the more out-of-hand it all gets. I don't really see how they could be saving money. Craft materials cost too! It's like all these brides are trying to over diy the next bride, just to top the diy'yness of that one blog, just to totally trump the most diy wedding of them all.

If I see another hand sewn fabric boutonnière or "just married" pendant banner, i'm going to lose my shit.

Marry Him.

A few weeks ago I was getting my hair did, sitting in the chair, eavesdropping on the conversation happening between the stylist and the girl next to me. The girl in the chair was about 35, attractive but not a 10 (more like a 6), sounded moderately stupid, but not full blown idiot. Here is a snip-it of their conversation:

the 6: so i'm dating this great new guy!

stylist: OH! tell me more!!!

the six: well he's incredibly nice, handsome, has a great job. he doesn't play any games. he calls me back when he's supposed to and asks me out for another date while on the current one.

stylist: he sounds perfect! I'm so happy for you!

the six: well... there's this thing.

stylist: oh no, girl. what? alcohol issues? dating other girls? WHAT?

the six: he's about 2 inches shorter than me. maybe not a full two inches, definitely i can notice it. i know i shouldn't care, but it really bugs me.

stylist: so you don't think you can get past it? i mean, is he a keeper? the marrying type?

the six: yes. he is. BUT i just never imagined marrying a guy shorter than me. not sure if i can go there. shallow, i know, but it's a bit of a deal-breaker.

At this point, I almost leaned over and pulled a Miranda. You guys know what I'm talking about, right? To refresh your memory....

Except I would've leaned over and said: "MARRY HIM. Are you seriously saying that you're going to dismiss Mr. Perfect for TWO INCHES?"

But I guess I shouldn't be too hard on The 6. Before I was went through that awful break-up, I was the same way. I chose the wrong guy and I realized that the looks, the height, the money, the rock band (collective ughhhh), the life-of-the-party personality...

It means nothing if you don't have the patience, the care, the friendship, the honesty, the holding your hand at your worst moments, the ability to work through the issues, and the putting you as #1 on their team- above anyone else in their life. And when you find that, you care less about the curly hair and blue eyes, the two inch height difference, the whatever it is that just never seems to make it "perfect".

But I've found my realistic version of perfect...
and I'm going to marry him in October.

my first of three beautiful bands.

weekend.

Friday I cut out of work a couple of hours early to spend a ridiculously fun afternoon at Water World - the six flags of water parks here in Denver. Despite the fact that i LOVE amusement parks, including water parks, I haven't been too into the idea of tromping around anywhere in an ill-fitting tankini amongst a sea of teen girls in tiny bikinis. But my love for a waterslide trumped that and off we went. Afterwards, Dan, Alison, Jeremy and I stopped at some hole-in-the-wall mexican place that didn't serve booze (BOO!) and then home for the night.

Saturday morning Jeremy and I went to pick out a couple of large purchases. $900 later, we are the new owners of a lovely Livestrong 9.9 Treadmill. Originally the plan was to find the best treadmill $500 could buy on craigslist, but the more we researched the more we leaned towards a new machine. The rationalization of spending this much comes from the fact that our gym memberships total $90 a month and when we go I walk and Jeremy runs, so why not just buy something for home. I'm BEYOND excited about it and think it's going to get tons of use. Hopefully getting me prepared for jean shopping this fall and Jeremy ready for his birthday marathon in October.

Saturday afternoon spent with Alison checking out some of her matches from eHarmony which was a total blast. Man, some dudes out there are such douches! Luckily, Alison is awesome and so some good guys see that too. (Alison- Team Pat!)

Saturday night watched some fireworks with JC, Alison, Matt, Dan and Bryan in the Glendale Whole Foods parking lot. Lots of fun made better by a fight that some old drunk dude tried to start with a neighboring car. Young guy was playing his music a bit too loud and old balls yells out "You're GAY. WE GET IT." I guess old balls wasn't sure that young guy heard him, so he just kept repeating it or similar "You like shitty music. WE GET IT." Finally some dad broke it up and old balls digressed. It was awesome. Also "WE GET IT" became the sub theme of the weekend.

Sunday the same group took off bright and early for Dan's condo in Breckenridge. Holy shit- so awesome. The day was beautiful- low 70's, sunny, and the mountains were so green with just a little snow-cap left. After a day of drinking too much for high altitude, we came back and watched the season premiere of The Real World. Ha.

Yesterday- just cleaning. ALL DAY. We might be having a few summer guests so it was time to tackle the office/guest bedroom closet which has basically been out place to stuff everything we don't know what to do with. Came out last night with two bags of trash, two goodwill bags and i recycling bin. I think I'm finally learning the "if you haven't used it in a year, throw it out or give it away" mentality.

Looking forward to a 4-day work week and getting my tready on Thursday!

the fat belly diet.

Jeremy and I walked over to the library on Saturday to check out a few cookbooks for my dad. He's not doing well (to say the least) and one of his trillion doctors suggested he just start 'eating clean'. You know- fruits, veggies, healthy organic meats... REAL food. Food that will rot, that doesn't come in a box.

Considering my dad has been eating downright terrible (but tasty!) food for the past 70 years, I was specifically looking for cookbooks with recipes that were 1) easy to make with less than 10 ingredients 2) affordable 3) healthy 4) tasty. Tasty being the most important, cause if it doesn't at least taste salty or fried, dad won't eat it.

The one I ended up really liking was the Fat Belly Diet by the editors of Prevention Magazine. Now, I'm not really a fan of any diet. I think every plan has its ups and downs, but this cookbook is really good, regardless of following the plan or not. I am a fan of order, so I love the way it's laid out (see photos below). However, as far as a diet goes, this one seems to be fairly smart. Allowing you four meals a day, all around 400 calories each, and adding things that we all like to eat such as nuts, olive oil, peanut butter, chocolate.

So far I made a few of the recipes to see if they're Sloan Powell friendly, and I've been really impressed! Here are a couple of the recipes I've made that I

recommend-

Greek Grilled Chicken Breast - This was SO GOOD! Some changes I made: added 2 Tbls of Olive Oil, 1 good squeeze of a lemon, and an extra clove of garlic. I also blended the yogurt sauce instead of just stirring. This is meeting my craving for Chicago Style Gyro in Inglewood, but not resolving it. I miss my old neighborhood sometimes. :(

Korean Beef in Lettuce Leaves - Also so good! A little on the spicy side for me, but only because I listened to a review that said to add a heaping tablespoon of Chili sauce. If you like a medium to hot dish, add it. If not, stay away. Or, just add to taste. I added a can of sliced water chestnuts (and sliced them even more), used a mango chutney instead of orange marmalade because I couldn't find a jar that didn't have high fructose corn syrup, but then again I was at Albertsons, not Whole Foods.

I would recommend checking this cookbook out at the library and copying a few recipes for your collection. Lots of good items. Speaking of- did everyone but me realize that libraries let you check out just about everything? Cookbooks, movies, new books, old books, magazines - I'm so ashamed for my lack of knowledge about this!

I love that it's easy to read and designed well (geeeek) - Title of the recipe, brief description, ingredient list, directions and then to the far right, all the nutritional information. At the bottom, it allows you to "add" items to make it a complete meal and a reference to another recipe in the book.

Here's the "make it a meal" section:

saturation point

I remember this same feeling when the Tsunami hit, as Katrina rolled out, after the Haiti earthquake, and now, my beloved Tennessee. I hate to say it's more substantial to me, but you know, it's my home.

Sitting on my couch with Penny, drinking (possibly chugging) a glass (or three) of wine, flipping through channel after channel hoping some national news program will show something, anything, about the southern floods. Frustrated, I turn it off. I don't know what to do, so I sit there and notice the sun flowing in through my windows and warming up my home, flowers all a'bloom outside, and in a very bizarre way, I'm annoyed. I just want to be home in Tennessee.

Now, I'm a smart girl, and I know the "there's nothing you can really do" argument. I gave what money I could. But the feeling of helplessness is overwhelming to me.

I know that I am now at my saturation point. The enormity of the situation there, with me being here, is starting to affect (effect? why can't i ever get this right?!) me to a point that I need some distance.

Jeremy and I are leaving on Saturday for a much needed, not so-cheap, vacation to the Virgin Islands, and I need to get in the right frame of mind. I need this vacation, but Jeremy REALLY needs it- he hates his job, and this trip has been a bright thing for him to look forward to for months. He needs me to be fully present, drink in hand and a cheesy little smile on my face, not the April that I've been this week. He's been so sweet, but I can't expect him to get it 100%, it's not his hometown.

I hope I can start to leave it in the back of my mind, just for one week. Leave the guilt behind, too.

But it's just so hard...

Nashville, I've never been so proud of you. I've been watching as neighbors help neighbors, strangers help families, volunteer lists fill up in a matter of minutes. You are banding together. It's that spirit that makes me think that you truly are where I belong. And certainly that I need to go ahead and get that dirty south tattoo.

See you in a few weeks, Nashville. I can't wait to give you a big old wet kiss.

on missing the south:

days like today, when the air in colorado is about 15 degrees cooler than I like to spend my April, and I notice that I don't hear the buzz of bees, or smell the bradford pears, these are the moments where I really miss tennessee.

I see photos like these on friends blogs...











...and the longing hits me like a ton of bricks.

I'm not saying Colorado ain't lovely. I mean, those Rockies are something else. And it's hard for me to complain about the lack of allergies, bugs, humidity and such, but still... it's just not the same.

I'm so thankful that Jeremy is from the South and understands this need for front porches, lightening bugs, sticky skin, and mostly, the company of family and friends on a perfect 75 degree evening.

As much as I love it here, and it feels like home 90% of the time, those perfect southern spring days definitly leave me with an aching that I can't really explain.

But y'all down there in Tennessee, you get it. Now, please go clip some dogwood or forsythia branches and put them on your table for me.

I'm gonna go put on some Drive By Truckers now and stop the whining.

to my younger self:

Dear April,

There are so many things I’d like to tell you, but you’re far too consumed with rock shows, biking around town, and trying to juggle school, work, and a boyfriend (or two) to listen for very long. So, I’ll keep this simple.

The next 10 years are going to fly by. Right now you think by the time you reach 30 that you’ll be a big time attorney, married with a couple of kids. Oh my dear, you couldn’t be more far off. Hold onto your hat, because your 20’s are going to be bumpy.

To get this out of the way, first things first-

Just call mom. She’s freaking out and you don’t answer the apartment phone or your cell. You’re too far away, and all she needs to know is that you got home safe from the party you shouldn’t have been at to begin with. A small effort on your part will mean the world to her right now. Remember, you’re the baby. One day you’ll love that family title.

Now, more important things-

Try your hardest to be a woman of integrity. I know you’ve been shown that sometimes it’s easier just to tell a little white lie or two. That’s false. Telling the truth is always the best thing to do. It may not be easy at times, and initially, it might hurt someone. In the end, it’s a hell of a lot more comfortable for you and everyone else.

There are going to be a couple of hard moments where you’re at a crossroads, choosing to sacrifice your own potential for the assumed potential of love. Believe it or not, that dude is going to leave you. Not just once, but a couple of times. But you already know that. He doesn’t call you back when he says he will and that little gut reaction when you met his “friend” Natalie, yeah… take the hint. Respect yourself to know you’re worth more. And that your potential alone far exceeds your future together.

I just ask you to learning to listen to your instincts. Often times you deny that initial reaction for the security of choosing not to be alone. I’m telling you, push through it. It’s ok to be alone. You’ll be braver for it, and through the loneliness you will build so much character. That’s a good thing. And surviving those moments will prepare you for the hard times to come.

You are going to make some poor choices. Some very significant poor choices that will leave you wondering who you are and how you got there. April, listen to me: it is ok. Everyone does. Push through the embarrassment and ask for support when you need it the most. Take time to grieve, breathe, read, recreate yourself, and then MOVE. ON. Do not define yourself by the failures or wallow within them.

Please learn to be a better friend. I’m afraid you learn this lesson far too late. And all the friendships you could have salvaged by not being such a flake, remembering birthdays, showing up on time, showing your appreciation for them and simply remembering that it’s not all about you. Later on, you’ll realize that a true friend is worth more gold.

You are going to travel a lot in the years to come. More often than not, you'll be living a little irresponsibly, but having a hellva good time along the way. Soak it all up. Breathe it in. Look around. Take as many mental snapshots you can until you feel like you just head just can't contain any more. Step away from behind the camera. Those pictures are nice, but living in the moment is even nicer. These are some of the best moments of your life, and the memories you're making- you'll think of time and time again.

And April, most importantly, try not to take life so damn seriously. There are serious parts and not so serious parts. It's all about learning to tell the difference, and approaching those moments with an authentic and loving response.

All my love,

me

p.s. – cowboy boots aren’t so appropriate for weddings or funerals. no. really. they aren't.

nightmares

Jeremy's sweetie pie mom sent us an Easter package yesterday. The box was filled with mostly candy and mom-type easter gift things, but then there was THIS...

You know, cause Jeremy plays soccer and I guess he needed a HORRIFYING singing bunny/soccer ball animal that spins?

I feel like it's our equivalent to this:

(SO worth watching)

What in the world do we do with it? She's coming to visit in a month, so it can't just disappear, can it?

CAN IT?

excitement overload.

My birthday has been stressing me out. Not because I'm turning 30... I'm actually THRILLED about that. It's because I've had a grand idea of a birthday vacation in my head for most of this year.

Well it turns out that my birthday falls on Good Friday. And thus smack dab in the middle of Spring Break and one of the busiest, most expensive travel seasons of the year. Also no fun is that air miles and hotel points don't really work around that week either.

BUT, today, I made a wonderful compromise. I wait a month after my birthday, and we go on my dream eco-vacation. DEAL!

So, May 8th to 13th, Jeremy and I will be staying in an eco-tent (more like some swiss-family-robinson treehouse type shit) on the end of St. John in the Virgin Islands. Hiking, snorkeling, drinking, sleeping, reading, and just a little making out behind tented walls. STOKED.

Trunk Bay:
(actually where renee z. married that gay cowboy dude)

View from the Eco-tents:

Inside:

I've always said I'm at least 35% hippie. This might temporarily bump it up to 51%. I'm ok with that.

random.

I was just chatting with Rebecca about something and had a random memory.

In June of 1999 I had a redneck cousin that was on Montel. The show was called "You dissed me in high school, but look at me now!"

She had just gotten new boobs and had been taking quick-trim or something similar for about a year, and honestly, did look quite a bit better than in high school.

They gave her a $250 clothing allowance to buy something nice to wear. she bought a one-piece zebra print jumpsuit with a matching purse.

the end.

this shit is bananas.

Inspired by Kim's ha'larious video today, I thought I'd post something that for some reason I just can't stop watching. Pretty sure Yewknee posted this last week and since then... everyday play. Why do I think this is so funny?

on blogging and the weekend.

At dinner Friday night Jeremy and I were talking about blogs and the pros/cons and such. I was pushing him to start a blog again (not just a Tumblr), and how much I missed his writing about his life, even if he thought the posts were boring. I guess that's the thing about everyday peoples blogs, they may not have show-stopping exciting posts, but neither do 99% of all people that have blogs.

However- I LOVE reading my friends blogs. I enjoy hearing about their lives, what they're crafting, what's baking, and the movies they see. I find them exciting because I relate, and most times I walk away with great ideas and happy to be in the know about their lives.

Anyhow- I'm going to start doing a weekend wrap-up post every week, not because I have anything overly exciting to share, but because it's important to me to have a log about my life. I realized over the weekend that there are huge gaps in my life that just run together. Like from 2001-2003- yeah- no clue. I know that I was in school, working, and drinking lots of PBR, but that's about it. It'd be really awesome and old school of me to write into a real journal, but that's not going to happen. So... here we go! Whee!

Weekend, January 8 to 10

Friday- After work Jeremy and I drove up the road a bit to pick up his VW after a teeny little telephone pole accident that happened a couple of weeks ago. Looks amazing, like better than it ever did thanks to the new trunk and paint job, so we celebrated with whiskey! Headed over to this new pub in the neighborhood which serves lots of Colorado local food and alcohol and is built into the Stranahan's Distillery (i recommend!) The food was amazing, and the jukebox was unbelievable, but so was the dude that wouldn't go away while i was trying to select my songs. He bugged me so much I actually allowed him to use my final few credits which was the wrong move as he played a mix of cliche hair band music. The worst.

Saturday- Cleaned and headed out to find the right filing cabinet so I can start to complete the office redo that Carolyn planned for me. (I got it!) Found a gaggle of other items that I couldn't say no to, so $78 and a globe later...

Ran a few more errands (that may or may not include swinging by a taco stand) and headed home. Had a neighbor pop in and give us some slices of fresh bread from the Farmers Market down the road. Get this: white chocolate lime mint bread. I know- sounds bad. NO! SO GOOD! So good I hopped down there after getting cash to scoop up a couple of loaves. Awesome for my diet. The farmers market was adorable and it just further enforced my desire to have chickens by seeing they do a backyard chicken keeping class. now, i just need a backyard. and some chickens.

Saturday night JC and I met some friends for downtown for dinner and a movie. Unfortunately, we saw Daybreakers.

Afterwards the group headed up to the Peaks Lounge on the top floor of the Hyatt downtown. I'm not really into hotel bars, but the view over denver was remarkable and the drinks looked pretty, but I'm a granny so I had a decaf coffee. Took the light rail home afterwards.

Sunday- Woke up and double checked that TiVo was recording my very favorite TV program then walked to the store for fresh cream and nutmeg. Made JC french toast with the farmers market crack bread and it turned out really lovely. Jeremy pointed out that I'm a freak about meat and eggs being cooked well, and how sometimes it's a little over the top how much I dissect my food to make sure it's done. True and noted.

That afternoon headed out to Sports Authority and then Colorado Ski and Golf in search of the perfect ski pant. And by perfect I mean they zip and I can breathe in them. After almost having a crying fit in the sports authority that even the largest pants felt tight, Jeremy took me away from there and to the other shop. I guess me exclaiming loudly in the middle of the store 'I MEAN, SERIOUSLY! AM I THE BIGGEST GIRL ON THE SLOPES?! REALLY? CAUSE WHERE DO THOSE GIRLS SHOP?! I NEED TO GO THERE." might have signaled I needed to leave. Finally found some awesome pants and almost died at how much they were, but they fit, and sometimes that's all you need to drop the dough.

Ended the weekend with a slice of Famous Pizza and revisiting some LOST episodes in preparation for the last season. Asleep on the couch by 9:00.