2009

2009. from April P. on Vimeo.

2009, so much better than 2008 for me. Friends, family, travel, holidays, kittens!, and lots of love. thanks for being a part of it.



starring... mom, dad, amy, sloan, angy, john, kate, ross, hayden, rebecca, john, ashlie, mattie, caleb, jessica, tyler, jeremy c., colin, sheena, dan, alison, jeff, tim, heidi, sue, nick, marie, matt, tim, jeremy b., lisa, misty, josh, melissa, kyle, tucker, bobby, ramsay, kelly, scott, penny, preacher, sadie, ryleigh, sarah, jonathan, kurt vonnegut, neil young, levon helm, john prine, devotchka, jose cuervo, city park squirell, burt, ernie, salmonella and the two i'v.'s that helped me achieve normal skin tone.

Dear you,

Hi kid. You don’t know me yet, but I made a significant decision for us today, one I’ve been toiling about for a couple of weeks. I decided not to pursue a significant career opportunity.

Some of our friends and family won’t understand why I’m bypassing such a fantastic opportunity, but I don’t really care about out that. This is about us. It’s about knowing that when you decide to make an appearance in my life, I can’t imagine a more significant role for myself than being the best mother I can be to you. For me, that doesn’t include dropping you off at 7 am, and picking you up at 5. It doesn’t involve worrying about making it to your preschool program because I’ll be in Boston presenting at a conference. It doesn’t mean stressing out your dad with the uneven care you’ll receive while I travel 2 months out of the year. It means being committed to giving you the best I can. And not taking this job allows me to offer that to you.

I’ll admit there were a few perks that are painful to walk away from. Topping that list- this job would’ve left us with a considerable amount more dough. I hope you really love Kraft mac and cheese, cause baby boo, we can’t afford the fancy Velveeta shit. But hell… what would we do with that dough?! (god all the things we could do with that dough) But no no- really it’s not about that. And I’ll keep telling myself that.

Quite the opposite. It’s about time together and endless amounts of stress free love. It means I won’t be feeding you while blackberrying, and you won’t have a work distracted mom sporadically reading to you in between answering emails. I’m not going to be perfect. Nor do I expect to be a stay-at-home mom. I love you and all, but yeah- no deal. Not only I am just not one of those amazing women or men that can handle stay at home parenting, but I can't leave the fulfillment I receive through my job. What example would I be if I gave up something I love so much?

And the most important (and fun!) part of me choosing to stay with my Foundation- I have a boss and team of wonderful women that are going to welcome you into my life with love and joy and fun gifts too! They’re going to give me helpful advice when you have a low fever for days, and will pick up the phone and listen to me cry when I’m exhausted. They’ll be the ones to tell me to only work what I can, and to be a mom before an employee. They’ll reinforce that work/life balance is more that a catchy corporate phrase. That it’s about preparing you for the wild world before you, and they’ll help me give you the development skills and love that you’ll need to face it.

And that’s why I’m walking away from that job. It might sound nuts, since you’re nowhere to be seen yet, and I don’t even know when or where you’re coming from (Guatemala?), but to me, it makes all the sense in the world.

My lesson here to you is that sometimes there are things more important than money or advancement. Each human’s vision of their future and life goals are different, and that’s what makes the world so colorful. We have to remember that there are different paths for everyone, and how wonderful that is. For me, it’s about experiencing life at the fullest, eating, drinking, loving, praying,(this sounds like a book! oh wait…), traveling, caring for one another and collecting stories of good times. My vision clearly includes you. And it’s the experience that I’m choosing today.

And when you pester me about wanting the new version of a Nintendo DS, I’ll remind you that “money doesn’t grow on trees” and to suck it up. One day you’ll appreciate the mom vs. money trade-off, and you know… I will too.

Love,
momma

i cannot express the amount of joy this brings me:

I love Paula Deen, but come on now... getting hit in the face with a ham? simply amazing. It's like Christmas came a month early:

roberto's peach salsa

I've always had a love/hate relationship with Salsa. As soon as I start getting into the idea of salsa, a overly spicy/vegetabley jar ruins it all and the walls come crumbing down.

Until I met Roberto... oh Roberto. How you called to me from Isle 5! I fought it, but as I read your description, admired your packaging, then your price sealed the deal. I gave it a shot for love.

And love it was. This is my favorite salsa ever. I love that it's got some spice to it, but not too much that you can't eat it without a glass of water in reach. It's got a peachy taste, but not too peachy. If you didn't know it was called a "peach salsa" you probably wouldn't taste it.















I couldn't find much information online about it, but here is their site. I found it at one of the three zillion Whole Foods stores in Denver. I've looked for it at Safeway and Albertsons with no avail. However, this is one of the few staple items that I put on my list to pick up at Whole Foods, and happy to grab it up for less than $4 a jar. YUM!

an april fool.

I've always disliked April Fool's Day. It's a combination of anticipation of my birthday (tomorrow, whee) but probably more because of an April Fools joke gone terribly ary on April 1st, 1986.

I took gymnastics at this family owned studio in my hometown called "Gym for Him". I only wish the clever name meant a gym for men. But darlin', in middle Tennessee, the "Gym for Him" meant a gym for the glory of Jesus. Because all that balance beam time was really just a testament to our Savior.

Ok, back to the story. So my sister, Amy, our neighbor, Sarah and I all took gymnastics at the same time at the Gym for Him. Sarah and Amy were four years older than me (they were 10 and I was 6) and in kid years, that was a significant difference. Man- i really wanted Amy and Sarah to think I was cool, even possibly funny. April Fools day 1986 coincided with our gymnastics class day. YES. My big chance.

My mom drove us to the Gym for Him and picked up Sarah on the way. Since I was only 6, I'm fairly sure I didn't really get April Fools day. But dammit, I was gonna give it my best. After my class was over, I patiently awaited Amy and Sarah to come out of theirs, all the while trying to construct the funniest, most grand April Fool's joke a tot could muster up. Ahhh ha! I got it!

Finally, Amy and Sarah come into the lobby. Amy asks if mom is here to pick us up yet. Instead of answering her, I run up to Sarah and say:

"Sarah, your mom is dead. She died in a car wreck just now."

I start laughing, but Sarah immediately starts screaming and crying and a brigade of gymnastics instructors rush over. Chaos ensued. The instructors trying to calm her down and running into the front office to see if there REALLY had been an accident. Sometime between Sarah's first shriek and them taking her to the office, I realized that my joke was a total failure, so then I started crying. The following half hour is a little fuzzy. The next thing I remember is having to apologize to Sarah on the drive home, and knowing that I was in a good deal (a great deal) of trouble.

So... not the best April Fools joke, but a solid try.
Nonetheless, I have not attempted another April Fools joke since then.

Sarah West, if you're out there, I'm really sorry about all that.

it's not in the woods and shit.

I have to repost something I just read on dooce.com. Because if any of you have an extended southern family anything like mine, you can imagine overhearing this conversation at pretty much any holiday gathering. she just happened to overhear it on a flight. here goes:


First guy: "Dude, you got Internet where you live?"

Second guy: "Um... what?"

First guy: "The INTERNET! You know, Google and stuff."

Second guy: "Dude, it's 2009. The Internet is everywhere. Of course I have it where I live."

First guy: "It's not everywhere, man. It's not in the woods and shit. They don't run those wires out into the middle of nowhere."

Second guy: "Okay, maybe not in the woods, but most people have access to the Internet."

First guy: "Or out in the ocean. I bet you can't get the Internet on a boat."

Second guy: "Well, see, they make these things where you can access the Internet wirelessly."

First guy: "Wire-what?"

Second guy: "Wirelessly. It works kind of like a cell phone. Do you know what a USB port is?"

First guy: "Dude, whatever. That's all future shit. Sounds like you're speaking Italian."

from avenues to apartments

I am an absolute cliché right now. I'm at the laundry mat, drinking a Slurpee and eating some terribly unhealthy chips that I just got from the 7-11 across the street. If that doesn't scream cliché-loser, I don't know what does. A year ago, I'm not sure if I could have imagined my life changing this drastically.

A year ago...
In the mornings, I use to walk into my luscious yard and cut fresh flowers from the front garden. Now, I am happy as hell just to have some extra cash to buy a bundle of tulips from the grocery. And you know what? Those tulips are magnificent.

I no longer have the conveniences of a washer/dryer, a modern kitchen or even a parking spot. I now have a laundry room down the street. Guess what? It causes me to get out in the neighborhood and chat with folks I would've never otherwise met. My kitchen? It's adequate. You know what? I can still cook just fine. And the parking spot? I am now the champion of parallel parking. Don't challenge me. You'll lose, sucker.

My weekends aren't spent running around, buying groceries, taking care of the pets, buying shit I thought I needed to maintain a house, taking care a yard that was ridiculously large and generally feeling like I don't have the time to fit in the things I needed to manage and take care, just so I could "live". Nope. Things are much simpler now.

My day to day life has changed in a big way. And let be clear- life isn't worse for me, just different. It's taken me 6 months to make that distinction between "worse" and "different", but man- it's a significant change in thinking.



Last week some intuitive feelings of something that was going on through my separation that were finally confirmed. Hearing that confirmation made me sick, then- rejoiceful. It's a bad feeling to have an instinct so strong, just to be told that you were crazy. Aren't instincts and intuition something else? From now on, I'm going to give those gut reactions a solid consideration.

I mention this development because it brought back such a strong memory to my mind- the day I knew that I needed to leave. I laid on my couch in my beautiful living room with our sparkling refinished floors in our adorable 1920's craftsman bungalow- and sobbed for hours. Snotty, ugly, sobbing while repeating to myself the same thing: I want out. I don't care about the stuff, I just want out.

There have certainly been days in the last year that I couldn't believe I gave up the things that mattered so much to me for so long. I have whined about leaving him the house, the pets, the beautiful chandelier (no one liked but me)... even the freaking waffle maker. I have felt like a loser- asking myself- How can I start again from here- my only belongings that fit in a 10x10 storage space?

What I know now: it all just doesn't really matter. None of it. Especially when your intuition is telling you so strongly that for some (or many) reasons, it's just not right.

One day, I'll have the "stuff" again. A home I own, pets, furniture I love, so on. I'll do it all over again. In many ways I already have started. It might not resemble what a home use to mean to me, in fact, it's close to the opposite.

Right now, I'll be thankful to be living the life that I deserve. A life that resembles more of what I dreamed about as a little girl- lots of laughs, good food, pretty flowers, a lumberjack husband and duck children (maybe not ALL of the life I wanted). I'm so thankful to be at the point that I know all of that will come again, and I'm willing to be a little patient for it.

For now, I'm just stoked to have 15 clean panties coming out of my 1.75 dryer.

the incredible disappearing woman.

Sometime around 2007 I got into cycling for about 5 whole minutes. During that phase, J gave me a couple of Lance Armstrong's books, which I was surprised to discover, I actually enjoyed.

Reading the chapter about his marriage collapsing, I remember feeling so sad for his wife, even though he spoke fondly about her. She had been all over the world for him, away from her career and family, at the same time through two agonizing rounds of Invitro so that they could have a family. Then divorcing with three very young children to a man who obviously loved the ladies... lady rock stars and celebrities at that, not librarian type ladies.

Sometime last year I came across Kristin Armstrongs article (below), and I was so pleased that I did. I was happy to hear her perspective on the situation, and above that, so glad to walk away with so much perspective for myself. That's why I wanted to share it. I think the article offers a lot for women, single, in a relationship or married. Please don't get me wrong- I am a fan of marriage, in fact, I hope to do it someday. But damn, it sure is hard as hell, and before you realize it- you can sure lose yourself in the partnership.

Circumstances in life often take us places that we never intended to go. We visit some places of beauty and others that you never care to see again. I never imagined that "divorce" would be part of my life history or my family’s legacy. I never really got it, but now, when people say that divorce can be as painful than death, I understand why.

Kristin Armstrong on Marriage

Happy New Years!

Nothing says welcome to 2009 like a little food poisoning.

mee mee mee mee, mee mee mee mee

the only thing better than one beaker? six beakers.

I don't know why I blah blah blah'd on and on about new years when I could have just posted this.



thanks for this, jeremy.