it's not in the woods and shit.

I have to repost something I just read on dooce.com. Because if any of you have an extended southern family anything like mine, you can imagine overhearing this conversation at pretty much any holiday gathering. she just happened to overhear it on a flight. here goes:


First guy: "Dude, you got Internet where you live?"

Second guy: "Um... what?"

First guy: "The INTERNET! You know, Google and stuff."

Second guy: "Dude, it's 2009. The Internet is everywhere. Of course I have it where I live."

First guy: "It's not everywhere, man. It's not in the woods and shit. They don't run those wires out into the middle of nowhere."

Second guy: "Okay, maybe not in the woods, but most people have access to the Internet."

First guy: "Or out in the ocean. I bet you can't get the Internet on a boat."

Second guy: "Well, see, they make these things where you can access the Internet wirelessly."

First guy: "Wire-what?"

Second guy: "Wirelessly. It works kind of like a cell phone. Do you know what a USB port is?"

First guy: "Dude, whatever. That's all future shit. Sounds like you're speaking Italian."

from avenues to apartments

I am an absolute cliché right now. I'm at the laundry mat, drinking a Slurpee and eating some terribly unhealthy chips that I just got from the 7-11 across the street. If that doesn't scream cliché-loser, I don't know what does. A year ago, I'm not sure if I could have imagined my life changing this drastically.

A year ago...
In the mornings, I use to walk into my luscious yard and cut fresh flowers from the front garden. Now, I am happy as hell just to have some extra cash to buy a bundle of tulips from the grocery. And you know what? Those tulips are magnificent.

I no longer have the conveniences of a washer/dryer, a modern kitchen or even a parking spot. I now have a laundry room down the street. Guess what? It causes me to get out in the neighborhood and chat with folks I would've never otherwise met. My kitchen? It's adequate. You know what? I can still cook just fine. And the parking spot? I am now the champion of parallel parking. Don't challenge me. You'll lose, sucker.

My weekends aren't spent running around, buying groceries, taking care of the pets, buying shit I thought I needed to maintain a house, taking care a yard that was ridiculously large and generally feeling like I don't have the time to fit in the things I needed to manage and take care, just so I could "live". Nope. Things are much simpler now.

My day to day life has changed in a big way. And let be clear- life isn't worse for me, just different. It's taken me 6 months to make that distinction between "worse" and "different", but man- it's a significant change in thinking.



Last week some intuitive feelings of something that was going on through my separation that were finally confirmed. Hearing that confirmation made me sick, then- rejoiceful. It's a bad feeling to have an instinct so strong, just to be told that you were crazy. Aren't instincts and intuition something else? From now on, I'm going to give those gut reactions a solid consideration.

I mention this development because it brought back such a strong memory to my mind- the day I knew that I needed to leave. I laid on my couch in my beautiful living room with our sparkling refinished floors in our adorable 1920's craftsman bungalow- and sobbed for hours. Snotty, ugly, sobbing while repeating to myself the same thing: I want out. I don't care about the stuff, I just want out.

There have certainly been days in the last year that I couldn't believe I gave up the things that mattered so much to me for so long. I have whined about leaving him the house, the pets, the beautiful chandelier (no one liked but me)... even the freaking waffle maker. I have felt like a loser- asking myself- How can I start again from here- my only belongings that fit in a 10x10 storage space?

What I know now: it all just doesn't really matter. None of it. Especially when your intuition is telling you so strongly that for some (or many) reasons, it's just not right.

One day, I'll have the "stuff" again. A home I own, pets, furniture I love, so on. I'll do it all over again. In many ways I already have started. It might not resemble what a home use to mean to me, in fact, it's close to the opposite.

Right now, I'll be thankful to be living the life that I deserve. A life that resembles more of what I dreamed about as a little girl- lots of laughs, good food, pretty flowers, a lumberjack husband and duck children (maybe not ALL of the life I wanted). I'm so thankful to be at the point that I know all of that will come again, and I'm willing to be a little patient for it.

For now, I'm just stoked to have 15 clean panties coming out of my 1.75 dryer.

the incredible disappearing woman.

Sometime around 2007 I got into cycling for about 5 whole minutes. During that phase, J gave me a couple of Lance Armstrong's books, which I was surprised to discover, I actually enjoyed.

Reading the chapter about his marriage collapsing, I remember feeling so sad for his wife, even though he spoke fondly about her. She had been all over the world for him, away from her career and family, at the same time through two agonizing rounds of Invitro so that they could have a family. Then divorcing with three very young children to a man who obviously loved the ladies... lady rock stars and celebrities at that, not librarian type ladies.

Sometime last year I came across Kristin Armstrongs article (below), and I was so pleased that I did. I was happy to hear her perspective on the situation, and above that, so glad to walk away with so much perspective for myself. That's why I wanted to share it. I think the article offers a lot for women, single, in a relationship or married. Please don't get me wrong- I am a fan of marriage, in fact, I hope to do it someday. But damn, it sure is hard as hell, and before you realize it- you can sure lose yourself in the partnership.

Circumstances in life often take us places that we never intended to go. We visit some places of beauty and others that you never care to see again. I never imagined that "divorce" would be part of my life history or my family’s legacy. I never really got it, but now, when people say that divorce can be as painful than death, I understand why.

Kristin Armstrong on Marriage

Happy New Years!

Nothing says welcome to 2009 like a little food poisoning.

mee mee mee mee, mee mee mee mee

the only thing better than one beaker? six beakers.

I don't know why I blah blah blah'd on and on about new years when I could have just posted this.



thanks for this, jeremy.

new year(esoultion)

Whenever my sisters or I see a picture of ourselves that we don't like in the presence of our father, he always reminds us "Well- I guess you never know how you look until you get your picture took". Basically saying- "Sorry, fatty, the truth hurts."

And boy oh boy, does it. I just saw a handful of pictures of myself from the past week and yikes. I am seriously horrified. I'm not going to be one of those girls that whines and says "I'm so fat!" because I'm not fat and no one wants to hear that shit anyway.

I will say- I have seriously let myself go. I've looked for various excuses over the past few years. Some of those contradictory excuses include:

"I'm happy!"
"I'm sad!"
"I'm stressed."
"I'm too busy."
"I don't have time to work out." (plenty of time for cheese dip though)
"I think I have a irregular heartbeat. So how would I know if I'm having a heart-attack?"
"I'm boycotting exercise to piss off my health obsessed in-laws"

Ok. That last one was actually a relevant excuse, but still. You get the picture. I can honestly say that I am ashamed of myself, because right now, and even for the past year- I have NO excuses. I am happier than I've been in years, and even though I have a significantly smaller amount of income, I can absolutely afford some gym, yoga and hula. Hell- I even live in the 5th healthiest state in the entire country now, so I can't say "no one will go with me!" And the worst part- I lost this weight before- in 2006 I got down to 134 pounds (from 150) by spinning 3 times a week.

That's why I wanted to publicly declare that enough is enough. I want to make 2009 my best year ever. In a few months I'll turn 29 years old. How amazing would it feel to turn 30 at my goal weight of 135, toned, stress reduced- generally feeling strong and for the first time in a long time, be able to look at myself- full length- in the mirror without wondering "how in the hell did i let this happen?" I think about my weight at least once (more like three times) everyday. What a waste of time in which I could doing something I love.

So- if there is anyone out there that wants to offer a tip, a health magazine suggestion, a low fat reciepe, a favorite workout, a secret move to get rid of these weird flappy arm things, or even better yet- who wants to tackle 2009 with me and Oprah- hit me up. Let's do this.


And then maybe I could do this---

home for the holidays.

Ahhhhh it's nice to be back at mom and dads.

I mean- come on... just check this out:

With all sincerity, no one quite knows how to make a historic lil cottage feel so cozy like the great Jackie Powell. Thanks for going through the trouble every year, mom. We all really enjoy it more than you know.

Of course, Carolyn makes scarfs for her cat... so... step it up, Jackie.

observations, continued.

1) Did you know that snot can actually freeze in your nostrils? It can! Then, when you walk inside, the ice inside your nose it melts back to snot. It's painful and awkward- but facinating all at the same time.

2) It feels a hell of a lot more christmasy with 6 inches of snow on the ground. All the traditional Christmas songs seem to make sense now.

3) On the occasion I can look a bit ethnic. Check it out--- asian? Good thing I'm not asian. Nashville would run me out.

I come back to Nashville on Friday for the holidays, and as excited as I am to see my friends and family, I do feel like I booked the trip for entirely too long. Orginally, I didn't expect to feel this way. I thought I'd be dying to get home after two months of being away from everyone. But now, I actually feel like I'm leaving my home. Which I think is a damn good way to be feeling about Denver. Making a new start. A new home. On my terms. It feels good.

See you soon.

April

living by leviticus.

I'm normally not that into these sorts of silly things. J took me to funnyordie.com many times to watch videos and I would sigh, roll my eyes and walk out of the room.

BUT! In this new phase I'm easing up, or at least trying to. I've been feeling a bit older than I am. Not like 50. More like 37. And I'm looking about 34 as indicated by the lady at the Gallatin, TN crafts fair who said that a round or two of Botox between my eyes wouldn't hurt. Apparently I'm a "squinter". Who knew.

Years ago I read a Letter to the Editor from the Memphis paper in response to a cruel letter that someone wrote condemning Christian homosexuals. The title of the response letter was called "Living by Leviticus", and I'm pretty certain that I still have it tucked away. The gist of the letter- the book of Leviticus is all over the place. From foods to fabrics to childbirth. The mention of homosexuality is just a mention in between a whole lot of crazy. So- if you're going to pick or choose what to live by in the bible, how about just picking Jesus Sermon on the Mount- a simple verse that basically covers it all...

Matthew 7:12 - In everything, do unto others as you would have them do to you; for this is the law and the prophets.

Now, doesn't that just make more sense?

"Prop 8 - The Musical" starring Jack Black, John C. Reilly, and many more... from Jack Black

observations, 3 weeks in.

I've officially been in Denver for three weeks now and feel like I've already learned a fair share about the city as well as life in a new place with one friend.

Observations include:

1) Denver doesn't know Mexican food. After all- what is a mexican restaurant without cheese dip? It's a place for liars, that's what. Who covers chimichangas in melted shredded cheese? gross.

2) After about the 12th attempt at reaching a friend or family member on a lonely night, you are pretty much convinced that no one really cares about you being all alone out in the mountains. OR- they are all at a Nashville party that you weren't invited to. Thanks, ya'll.

3) The closest Baskin Robbins is 15.3 miles away from my house.

4) In driving to said Baskin Robbins, you will drive by Columbine High School which is really creepy to just happen across on your way to get a frozen delight.

5) Netflix is a lonely nights best friend. Cocoon II is on it's way. Netflix tells me it will be here next. IT BETTER NOT BE LYING.

6) I'm listening to a hell of a lot more southern music than I did in Nashville. Homesick? No. Proud? HELL. YEAH.

7) Working from home doesn't necessarily mean jammies and working from the couch. It means jammies and working at a desk, even longer hours than you worked in the office. WHO KNEW?

8) Firefly Sweet Tea Vodka isn't nearly as sweet drinking it alone in Colorado. The lovely man at the liquor store wasn't too interested in me thanking him profusely for selling it either. He said I was the first to buy a bottle in months- imagine that!

9) Unlike Inglewood Kroger where i got a sigh and an eye roll for bringing reusable grocery bags, you actually get a guilt trip for not bringing your bags in Denver. I actually apologized to a clerk for forgetting mine last week. She just looked away in disappointment. I hung my head in shame.

10) I'm not nearly as in shape as I thought I was. I thank Mount Sanitas for teaching me that naughty naughty lesson.

My most obvious observation so far? Denver is just another far away city without those you love around you. Still-this is exactly where I need to be right now. I have no doubt about that. I am thankful for the opportunity for a new start. Or a "Ctrl-Alt-Delete" as Carolyn put it.

Come visit soon.

Love,
April