a more reasonable focus.

I read this in a blog last week and it couldn't have come at a better time...

"Now that I feel like I have more balance in my life, I'm learning how to be more present. I am one of those people that is always looking forward to the next step, always saying "Won't life be great when..." That is so damaging! My dad once told me that the secret to happiness in life is to be conscious of what is uniquely great about your current situation and put your focus there."

Oh man... amen, sister, preach it! I, too, often tell myself... "won't life be great when..."

When we ... buy a house, launch our business, have no debt, lose 12 pounds, take the trip to Bali.

I guess I can start with trying to take the bloggers advice... So what is great about our current situation? I can think of some things:

- Living in Colorado: I think I've somehow lost the elation I felt when I moved to Denver. What was once exciting is now just our normal life, and I've neglected to appreciate the positives of what living in Denver offers. I'm not sure how or when this happened, but it seems like I'm at this place that I think every city is better than this one. SO not true. We live in a ridiculously ideal neighborhood that allows us to be a one car family and walk to neighborhood eateries, bars, shops, post-office, grocery and whatnot. Jeremy can take the light-rail to work every day, allowing him to read and listen to music and not be in traffic, and allowing me to have my husband around more. We have about every type of landscape available to us and within a 4 hour drive (besides large bodies of water, which is why every trip we take we HAVE to get to water!). The air is fresh and people are nice. All good things!

-Paying off debt: Considering the unemployment rate and the economic situation, paying off debt is a luxury we have only because we have decent jobs that we've managed to hold onto for over 6 years, plus our rent is low. But paying off debt is so painful. It feels like you're sending a big check away to nothing. Has anyone else been through this? I know it's going to something... but to things and experiences that have already passed. It's overwhelming to me that we have at least 21 months to go until no car payment, no student loans... nothing, but still... that seems so far away!

Since we started Dave Ramsey's plan, we've been able to put almost $1800 a month into our debt. That's such a big amount, but one we've gotten so use to paying that I can't even imagine what it will feel like for that to be open money. For now- all i can think of is what a cute house we could afford with all that dough. But where does my focus need to be? On being full of gratitude that we are able to pay off debt and still afford a cute dress and a date night here and there... what a luxury! (side note: we do not share the same politics as dave ramsey, but i can still listen to that mans podcast every single day and not get sick of him. love me some D.R! He called someone a "butthole" a few months ago. Who calls someone a "butthole" past 6th grade? That's why he's awesome. Plus- the plan is simple, but good, if you need to get control of your money)

Vacations, anywhere: Because I've been able to do a fair share of traveling, I easily lose sight of what a vacation really is. A vacation is trip anywhere fun that isn't home (30 minutes or 30 hours away). We take a good amount of weekend trips and yet I am still whiny as hell about not getting to travel internationally enough. What a white whine!

Last night we had a nice big talk about our honeymoon/1 year anniversary extravaganza trip- what we want to spend vs. what is reasonable. Because we're trying so hard to get the debt off our shoulders, any extra cash we spend on something that isn't essential has to go to debate. For one of the first times EVER, I was the one that voted to not go on a crazy expensive trip. Jeremy said "Oh- I'm so proud! My Jewishness has rubbed off on you!"

Now we'll have to get creative with ways to celebrate our 1 year anniversary and the honeymoon we never took. We might still go somewhere, but not to Bali and Japan... not right now, at least. And ultimately, if we're together having fun, can't anywhere be magical? (Except Disney World... don't listen to the lies! It's not magical!)

So yeah... we don't own a home. And because of that I can't buy all the wallpaper and vintage items and paint my kitchen hot pink. We can't travel like some of our friends do and our passports will stay moderately empty for now. And we feel broke... and will continue to feel broke for the next two years.

But life is so good for us everyday. Good food on the table, faithful friends always on the other end of the phone or in person, a lovely (although small) place to live and a loving partner to share it all with. that is what is great about our current situation and i'm working to put my focus right there, where it belongs.

jessica.

This is my dear friend, Jessica.

Several years ago, Jessica changed her beloved sewing room into a bedroom for me when I needed a place to live after leaving my ex. Up to that point, Jessica and I were casual friends, but through the next 6 months, Jessica became something to me that I can't really explain. Looking back to that time in my life, I'm just not sure how I would've made it without her. It was the most difficult and transitional time in my life, but Jessica made things so much better. I've joked before that moving in with Jessica saved my life. Maybe that's a dramatic statement, but I can confidently say it saved my spirit.

Last week I was in Nashville for work and stayed a night with Jessica back in my old room. It brought back so many feelings for me, but what was striking was the overwhelming feeling of comfort. Everything about Jessica's house is lovely to me. It's bright, breezy, peaceful, and natural. I think what I like the most about it, though, is that everything in her home has a purpose. I just wanted to share a few photos so you can see what I mean- she can make the most simple, old items so very beautiful.

I just love this old wooden crate that serves as a table and also as a nook for George!

I wanted to steal this and run out the door with it before Jessica woke up. A vintage Tennessee flour sack that Jessica made as a little curtain above her kitchen sink. me loves!

Jess is the queen of healthy snacking. Here she's made herself a little ball jar collection of yummy treats of course with a list of other healthy items she needs. I use to love reading her lists when I lived with her.

My favorite- love the color. and i would just pee myself if i found a map of tennessee like that one.

I took some film photos yet to be developed of other nooks around jessicas. can't wait to get them back and save them in a box of things that made me feel good.

love you, miss cheatham. and a happy belated birthday to you.

p.s.- look at this amazing picture of jessica's parents on her wall. LOVE!!!

home sweet rental.

I miss owning a home. Well, I guess it's not so much the ownership as the making a house my own. I loved my house in Nashville. It had it's 1920's issues, but I loved it.

A big yard, a kitchen that was small but remodeled in a way I could easily bake in, a front porch for sunday paper reading.







Renting blows. I can't do anything significant without asking our landlord and there is a constant sense of "this isn't permanent".

To be fair, renting has served it's purpose since moving to Denver. I wasn't in a place to commit or sink money into something on my own. But now that life is moving along, I have house fever again. I want to make my own home. I want to do it with Jeremy. And this is where I become obsessed and impatient.

Thought I'd do a little search in my dream Colorado mountain town of Evergreen, and this popped up.





(built-in china cabinet, wha wha whaaaat?)




WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF?

An affordable Mid-Century home in the WOODS where I can have my goats and chickens? Seriously?

With a google street view like this ?


View Larger Map







o.k. moving on.

on missing the south:

days like today, when the air in colorado is about 15 degrees cooler than I like to spend my April, and I notice that I don't hear the buzz of bees, or smell the bradford pears, these are the moments where I really miss tennessee.

I see photos like these on friends blogs...











...and the longing hits me like a ton of bricks.

I'm not saying Colorado ain't lovely. I mean, those Rockies are something else. And it's hard for me to complain about the lack of allergies, bugs, humidity and such, but still... it's just not the same.

I'm so thankful that Jeremy is from the South and understands this need for front porches, lightening bugs, sticky skin, and mostly, the company of family and friends on a perfect 75 degree evening.

As much as I love it here, and it feels like home 90% of the time, those perfect southern spring days definitly leave me with an aching that I can't really explain.

But y'all down there in Tennessee, you get it. Now, please go clip some dogwood or forsythia branches and put them on your table for me.

I'm gonna go put on some Drive By Truckers now and stop the whining.